Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
