I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He did a backflip because drugs
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