i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
3pm strippers are depressing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
