I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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