I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
