I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
