His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There r osticjed everywhere
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
