Me too!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
