Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
