Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
