We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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