sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
