Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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