Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
