I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
