I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
