JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
