butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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