the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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