my room smells like sperm. sweet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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