A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
