My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
