Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
