my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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