i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
