i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
