hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
