you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this beer tastes like vomit already
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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