you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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