Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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