At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
