Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
