His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
