Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize