He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
