We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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