We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
