I could have mohawked her pubes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
