On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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