i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
