That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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