Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
