I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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