Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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