We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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