OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
