did you get engaged???
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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