I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
