I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize