she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize