Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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