that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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