He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
