can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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