I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
