Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
