The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
