His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
