Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just found a bag of teeth...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
