I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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