i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
