he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
