She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
handjob tips. give me some.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
