it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
