have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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