Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
