from now on my penis is your penis
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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