it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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