love makes seman taste better
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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