i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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