The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
