I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
