I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
