It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
