My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
